33 :)

Mental Model 004: The only thing that helps me be "present"

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33 :)

From 21-29: I gave everything I had to chase my career goals.

29: I made VP of Sales and realized I was the least happy I’d been in my entire life (despite getting exactly what I spent my entire twenties chasing).

30: I quit my job and moved to Hawaii to find some semblance of life and identity outside of work.

31: I moved to NYC to start fresh. I put a lot of effort into building community in my thirties and finding my core out here.

32: NYC started to feel like home. New friends started feeling like old friends. Found my love for wrestling again. Hired our first in-person employees.

So what now?

33: I kinda just wanna sit in it for a second.

Earlier this year, my therapist asked me: “Do you ever just let yourself sit there and rot on a Sunday to watch TV?”

I laughed. Because I tried to. I couldn’t!

Even in relaxing a bit on my work goals, I still have this weird habit of turning *everything* into a goal:

- My goal to get 30MPC to $10M+
- My goal to win a BJJ world tournament.
- My goal to build community in NYC.
- My goal to have fun this weekend.

I find turning everything into a goal kills the present for me:

- A recording with an amazing guest feels like a task.
- A BJJ practice feels like morning dread.
- Another happy hour feels exhausting.
- Another 3 dinners and my brain feels like mush.

People say things like “enjoy the present”

Yeah no shit! That’s not actionable.

If it were that easy, why do so many high achievers struggle with it?

So, I’ve found that I truly enjoy the present when:

- I set 3 goals max that are deeply meaningful to me
- I plan for 20% slack in the line so I have space to be creative
- I write my to-dos as: “what would a normal human accomplish today?”
- I say no to plans on my “f-off and do nothing days”

It’s amazing. When I set fewer goals, I don’t feel like I’m being chained to the back of a truck and being dragged around by them anymore.

- I get my goofy back on the podcast recordings.
- I open up and start dancing around in practice.
- I’m excited to go out and feel the energy of NYC.
- I can’t wait to see the friends who make this city feel like home.

AKA: I’m in the present.

Goals by definition are in the future.

If you constantly stare at the future, you not in the present.

My goal for 33: Have fun and do more stupid stuff because I’ve worked really hard. And life in NYC has been like, really nice recently.

And the thing that will get me there is not setting more goals :)